Treatment #2 - in progress

I was able to go back to the clinic yesterday and my neutrophil count had doubled from last week, and that made it high enough to get another treatment. I'm so grateful. It is good to know that we are able to make progress toward the end goal. 

The doctor also said he has received approval for me to get a shot each time that will help to increase the production of bone marrow and that should help with my counts moving forward. It was really interesting too because he said that the increased bone marrow production can cause pain in the bones, but if you take a Claritin it really helps to improve that. 

The side effects are really interesting and it is fascinating to watch how the manage them. The chemo drugs are necessary but then you layer on a lot of other things to manage the side effects. But they make the treatment bearable so you can live as normally as possible. I'm grateful I've been able to work most days. I know the days I'm on treatment I work about half days ish those days, and having some Monday holidays certainly help too! But then I've been able to work the rest of the time. 

Because my blood counts are as low as they are, I've been trying to be really cautious about wearing a mask. I'm also grateful that wearing a mask isn't a foreign thing. People still look at you a little funny, but way less funny than if Covid hadn't happened. So that is another thing to be grateful for. 

My cousin Brad sent this video from a basketball coach who fought cancer. I really liked his advice - it's good advice for all of us! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

I've loved Cone Follow Me this year and am finding great examples of humility and faithfulness. I'm also grateful that we can learn from the non-examples like Saul and David who both started out so strong and faithful. I love the Lord and am so grateful that He allows us to see the beauty and the joy all around us and to see His hand in our lives. Find the JOY and BEAUTY today!

But wait...that wasn't the plan...

I admit it! I had that thought this very day. 

Attempt at Treatment #2

I found out yesterday that I've been around someone who tested positive for Covid. So when I went in for my treatment, the first thing I did was counsel with my doctor. He counted the days since the exposure and weighed the risk. He felt like since I haven't had any symptoms yet and the fact that my levels were solid last week when we ran my blood tests, that the risk was pretty low. We decided to move forward. I felt comfortable with that and he seemed to as well. 

I went ahead and got prepped for my treatment. First they took my blood sample to test my levels again. I had a nice visit with the nurse. She was so positive and personable. After she ran the tests, she came back and they showed that my levels were too low to do treatment today. So I visited some more with my doctor. He seemed a little surprised that the drop in my levels was as big as it was since most of the time a significant drop like that will show up in the first week. So I'll go back next week to see how the levels are doing. So I came home and was able to work the rest of the day. :) I had some meetings I was glad I could participate in!

"My Plan"

I like to have a plan. I waited until last week's blood tests to outline the plan so I could invite my family to be a part of the plan and I felt certain that I'd be able to execute the plan without a hitch. And here we are at pre-Treatment #2 and the plan is already changed. 

As I have reflected throughout the day, I have had a couple of thoughts. Thought #1: Let God Prevail. Thought #2; The Lord's timing is different than my timing. 

Let God Prevail

I have reflected on a talk given in General Conference by President Nelson in October 2020 called Let God Prevail where he talks about a Hebraic definition of Israel, which means "let God prevail." 

Here are a couple of quotes from the talk that stand out. 

"Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow His words, His commandments, and His covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow His voice to take priority over any other? Are you willing to let whatever He needs you to do take precedence over every other ambition? Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?"

"...My dear brothers and sisters, as you choose to let God prevail in your lives, you will experience for yourselves that our God is “a God of miracles.”As a people, we are His covenant children, and we will be called by His name."

So I can be willing to let Him prevail and then watch for the miracles He will provide. 

The Lord's Timing

In 2002, Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a devotional address at BYU titled "Timing." In it he has some great quotes from especially Neal A Maxwell, so I'd recommend it as a good read (or listen). Here is one snippet that he used in the closing of his talk that I love.

"Do not rely on planning every event of your life—even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord’s planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord’s timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity."

There is purpose and there is a plan. I'm sure that this timing will unfold great things. We may need to adjust my treatment because of the effect on my body. So we will see now what next week brings. But until then, I'm going to enjoy one more week of feeling strong and enjoy the weather that is quite beautiful right now as spring turns into summer. The roses are in bloom as well as a lot of other flowers. It's a beautiful time of year when the days are long on both ends! May you all find gozo and belleza in your journey today!

Post Treatment #1 and Trip to Oregon

Post-Treatment #1

I have to say i am amazed at the body's ability to heal and to regenerate itself! The first few days after treatment were tiring and I didn't really feel like eating or doing very much, but I made myself eat something and tried to not sleep all the time. I also tried to go on walks. The first ones were just to the end of the street and back, but now I'm walking quite a bit more. I've been able to work and I am also very grateful for that. 

On Wednesday last week I went in to do a blood panel to check my levels after the first treatment, The doctor said my levels looked really good and he felt that we are good to proceed. That made me feel good that my body is bouncing back after the treatment.

Oregon

Since my diagnosis, the thing I really wanted was to be able to go to Oregon for my niece's graduation from high school. I wanted so much to be able to go to spend time with family and to be there at this milestone in her life. Mom and Dad were going to drive, so I was able to go with them and my oldest nephew. I felt good during the trip so that was good too. I get tired easily, but I was able to rest and sit down to help prepare dinner and the things we did. 

On the way, we listened to a new book - One Last Joyride by Dean Hughes. We laughed so hard throughout the book. It was a really well written and a fun story. It made the drive go really quickly and it had a nice message.  

This week I was reading an article in the BYU Alumni Magazine from Camille Johnson from a devotional she gave at BYU (Bound Securely to the Savior). In the talk, she quoted Elder Marvin J. Ashton. This quote has really changed my perspective on my treatments. I want to not just get to #8, but I really do want to find the good throughout each one.  Here is the quote. 

"A notion commonly shared by many [is] that the best of life is just ahead, over the next hill, a few years away, . . . [at graduation, when I marry], tomorrow, next month, when I turn [whatever age], or next summer. We become actively engaged in the pastime of conditioning ourselves to believe that happiness and achievement are always somewhere in the future. There is an attitude of tolerating today, even looking past today in anticipation of a better tomorrow.

". . . Those inclined to count their daily blessings have more to count because they help make more possible as they learn gratitude. A constant waiting for a brighter future may cause us to lose the beautiful today."

I have so many things to be thankful for - for kind emails and cards in the mail, for visits from family and friends, for good food, for a body that is resilient, for being able to laugh, for beautiful weather, for long sunny days, for flowers that are blooming, for being able to go for a walk - even if it is short, and for heaven's blessings. I love life and I'm grateful to live and to have meaningful things to do in my life. Life truly is beautiful and there is joy in every day!

Port and Treatment #1

Oh my goodness! I have felt a little like the last 6 weeks lasted an eternity. I think knowing there was a problem, knowing what the problem was, and just waiting to start the solution was a little tricky. 

Last week I met with my medical oncologist and the radiologist. I felt good with both of them and I was grateful for that. They will be a really good team!

After meeting with them, I went to Rexburg for some work meetings. It felt really good to be there! I enjoyed staying at my house and seeing some friends as well as participating in some good meetings. I came back on Saturday and had a good trip. 

After I got back I got to go on a "date" with Jayden to go mini-golfing. It was really fun to spend time with him!

On Monday this week I went to get a PET scan. I got an IV of contrast and drank a tall glass of lemonade and then they scanned me to see if they could get any more detail on the nodules in my lungs. After I finished, I was grateful I was able to work most of the rest of the day.

Inserting the Port

Mom and Dad got here Monday night. They took me on Tuesday morning to get a port put into my chest. I felt bad for the nurses. They were trying to get an IV put in so they could administer my sedation. My hands were pretty cold so my veins were not popping out very well. It took 4 tries before they could get the IV inserted. 

Then they wheeled me in the room for the surgery. I was still awake while they did a lot of the cleaning and the prep work. They were also training a new nurse so they were talking through what they were doing. At one time I had a plastic sheet over me along with some sheets of tissue stuff. I started giggling because it was just pretty funny to me. The next thing I knew I was wheeled back to the waiting area and they gave me some snacks and covered me up with a nice warm blanket. 

Then I was released to come home. I had some good gauze and bandages over the port and came home and rested the rest of the day. 

Treatment #1

On Wednesday I could only take one person with me to the clinic. So Dad went to be with Lori and Mom came with me. Jenny was my nurse and she was really friendly and encouraging. They first tested my blood levels and everything was good. She accessed everything through my port so I know it is working correctly. 

They started with a packet of nausea medications as well as some steroids to calm the immune system. It sounds like that will be standard practice. Then they started me on two different kinds of chemotherapy medications. It took about 2 hours to finish. Mom was good to sit there with me. Part way through Jenny came and gave me a shot of nausea medications into my stomach - it will be a slow release to last a few days. Then before we left, they hooked me up to a little pump with another packet of meds that would be with me for 46 hours. 

I came home and took a little nap. Then Mom and Dad took me to look for a recliner. I thought that might be good for me to have as another seating option. I wandered from chair to chair until I found one I liked that I thought would go with my house and that was the right price. I noticed my reserves are not very strong, so I move a lot slower and have to take more breaks in between. 

On Thursday morning I got up and my pump was dead. I looked online to see what I might need to do and it recommended changing batteries. Of course I didn't have any AA batteries here so Dad went up to the Holiday across the street and got a little package. We replaced them and it came right back on. 

Mom and Dad were going to go back to Cove Fort so they dropped me off at Lori's. I worked most of the afternoon and I felt pretty good all day. I was so grateful for that!

This morning (Friday) I got up and started getting ready and I could tell my body was pretty weak. So I would do a little and stop and rest. I ate some breakfast and then we came back up to Salt Lake. Lori was an angel. We stopped at Ikea on the way up and she got me a little desk. Then we went to my appointment to get my pump removed. Luckily it didn't take too long. They basically detached the pump and flushed out the port with saline and put a bandage over it and I was good to go. 

I came home and was in a couple of meetings but was dragging a lot! Finally when those were over, I checked out for the day. Lori put together my desk and was so helpful! Then after they left, I slept for at least a couple of hours. I got up and have been trying to eat and drink. I was also able to go out and walk to the end of the road and back. It actually felt good to move. 

So here we are at the end of Treatment #1. I can absolutely understand why people choose not to do treatment or to finish their treatment. I feel like the only way I will really be able to go through this is with the help of heaven and supportive and loving family and friends. Everyone has been so helpful and encouraging and I am so grateful for that! 

There was a scripture that I have loved from my study in Come Follow Me this week. It is from Joshua 1:6 "Be Strong and of a Good Courage." So that is a theme for the week. With the Lord, all things truly are possible. Thank you all for your faith and your prayers and may you find joy and beauty in the small and simple things today!

The MRI and CT Scans

After meeting the surgeon, they scheduled me to get an MRI and CT scans of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis. That would allow them to do my staging. The whole process is very fascinating to me. 

To prepare for the MRI, they told me to use a Fleet enema. So I'm very new to all of this so that was quite an experience. I may have laughed out loud a few times while trying to figure it out. 

I found the enema and then I looked all over to find some of the absorbent pads to put under me so I didn't have a puddle of saline on my bed or floor or wherever I ended up doing it. 

I was also impressed that they had a little instructional video on how to use an enema for those of us with no experience.

I got everything set up and ready to go. I inserted and squeezed. I kept thinking I had it all going in right. I stayed there for just a little bit thinking something would start to happen, but nothing really did. So then I decided to try the other one, thinking I finally figured out the right place to insert it. Oh boy. I had saline puddles on my absorbent pads and not a lot happened. So I decided I did my best and that would have to do.

The next day I went to my appointment. They had me get into a really cute hospital gown and then they took me to the MRI. They needed to insert some contrast dye so they could really see. They asked if I wanted to do it myself or if I wanted them to do it. I figured if i did it there would be no guarantee that we wouldn't have contrast all over. I asked them to insert it and away we went.

I wondered why the MRI machine was so noisy.  It made a lot of beeps and clicks. After just a little bit I noticed I was clenching my jaw and that I needed to relax a little bit. I had my hands on my chest and I noticed that they were starting to fall asleep, so I tried to resituate very carefully to not interrupt the scanning. That made a difference. 

After I finished the scans, they gave me a tasty drink. I had 30 minutes to drink it all down in preparation for my CT scans. I was so thirsty from fasting that I drank it really quickly.  Then I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I could stay in the dressing room, but I felt a little awkward as other women came in to dress in preparation for their scans. 

So finally I decided I'd go into the waiting area. Now remember that I'm still wearing my cute hospital gown. I should have put something on underneath as they are a little drafty. Hehe. I tried to sit as modestly as I could and any time I got up I tried to make sure I was covered. And I didn't walk around very much. I was even stylish enough to match my mask with my gown. How clever of me!

Finally it got to the time they were supposed to come get me, so I snuck back into the dressing area behind a technician who came to get another patient and went back to the dressing room. And I waited and waited and waited. Finally they came and took me in to do the CT. 

They needed to put in an IV to put in the dye. The first technician stuck in the needle but couldn't find a vein, so he kept wiggling it around. It hurt a lot. I didn't want them to use my other arm because the last time I had a blood test it bruised pretty good, but another practitioner came in and she was able to stick it in. Luckily I didn't bruise this time. 

They laid me on a table with a nice warm blanket. I liked that a lot. Then they did the scans and I was done in about 5 minutes. Then I was good to go. They said to go home and drink a lot to flush the dye out of the body as quickly as possible. So I tried to do that very thing. 

What an experience! I was glad to have that done. I'm experiencing a lot of firsts on this journey - and probably not the last time I'll be in to do these kinds of tests. But now I at least know more or less what to expect and I can plan a little better. 

I really am learning to appreciate the body and all that it is able to do without even thinking about it. It regenerates cells, it heals itself, it does so many incredible things. The body is beautiful in the way it works. Heavenly Father is a master Creator and a master Healer. He knows His creations. 

Find the belleza in your day! There is gozo in the every day experiences of life. Let yourself laugh at the little things. It certainly makes a difference in my day! 

Easter and Meeting my Surgeon

Easter

Easter was a special day. Since my diagnosis, I feel like I have had so many thoughts going lots of different directions. Easter Sunday gave me a chance to ponder on the role of Jesus Christ on my life and to think about all he has done and will do for me. I felt the Holy Ghost in Sacrament Meeting and felt so much peace and comfort, that everything is going to be ok. In our Gospel Doctrine class the topic was all about Easter and what the Savior has done for us. There were some really tender thoughts shared in that class that were really comforting. I had lots of sweet, happy tears that day!

Dad and Mom came up for Easter and Dad and Jordan gave me a priesthood blessing, and once again, I felt so much comfort and strength from that. I am so grateful for the priesthood authority that has been restored!

Meeting the Surgeon

Monday morning we went over to the office to meet the surgeon, Dr. Melvin, for the first time. He is a young doctor but had some good experience. He explained the typical procedures they follow. It was a little tricky when I met with him because I didn't have any test results yet, so it was hard for him to be able to tell me much except for the way they typically work with patients. 

I liked the fact that he brought in a couple of sheets of white paper and drew out the typical plan. With the kind of cancer I have (rectal cancer) first they go through a process of staging. There are two things they look for in the staging process. 

Local

They do an MRI on the pelvis to see the depth of the tumor in the wall of the rectum and they look at the lymph nodes to see if any/how many are affected.

Distant

They also do CT scans of the chest, abdomen, and the pelvis to check for spread. He said that the liver and the lungs are typically the first places colorectal cancer likes to spread. He also wanted me to get a CEA blood test so we could see my initial levels. That blood level is often a first indication that cancer has returned, even when other symptoms don't show yet.

Presenting my Case

After the tests are completed, then the surgeon will take my results and present them to the Tumor Board he sits on. There is the surgeon, a pathologist, radiologist, oncologist, etc. that sit on the board and review all of my data to make the best decision about my treatment plan. The plan was for him to present my case on Friday, 29 April 2022. 

Typical Treatments

Most patients go through three steps of treatment. First they try to reduce the size of the tumor through radiation and chemo together. The chemo in this stage really enhances the radiation and makes it more effective. Second they will do surgery to remove the tumor and 2-5 centimeters of the colon on either side to make sure they got the infected tissue. They will also try to remove any lymph nodes that are affected. Then additional chemotherapy as needed to make sure they got all of the cancer removed. There is a very good outlook. 

An Exam

Finally, the doctor did a rectal exam to feel for healthy tissue. One great blessing is there is healthy tissue on both sides of the tumor, so he said that is a really positive thing. 

Then the Really Fun Stuff

The rest of the day was actually a lot of fun! Mom and Dad got to exchange their mission truck for a brand spanking new one. You should have seen Elder Johnson's face when the Fleet Manager at the COB drove into the parking garage for the exchange. It was pretty awesome! We drove around the rest of the afternoon looking for some different items that they needed for the mission. That definitely was the fun part.

I thought I had taken a photo of them with the truck, but apparently I took photos with their phones and not mine. It's really fancy schmancy! Trust me!

I am grateful for Mom and Dad taking the time to come spend the day with me. Thank you to each of you for all of your prayers and support! I could not as for a better family! My tender mercy on this date was having that support! I really am so grateful!

Saturday is a Special Day!

Saturday (16 April0  was really a beautiful day for me! Every Saturday I have a chance to work at the Jordan River Utah Temple. The shift coordinator was out of town, so she asked me if i would take care of her role at the temple. So the day was really busy - from about 4:15 AM until 11:30 AM, but it was also so wonderful. I was asked to do training in our preparation meeting and at the end, I had a chance to share my testimony of Jesus Christ. In that moment, I truly felt that He understands my quiet anxieties and fears perfectly and he knows me! I felt His love and it was sweet to me.

I was able to walk through the halls of the temple to check on the different areas and check in with different workers. I also had some quiet moments walking by some of the beautiful art work or in the stairwell and was able to reflect on so many things. My overall feeling is that everything is going to be ok! I'm going to be ok!

In the afternoon, I met Lori and she took me to find a beautiful journal for marking down important things. I also wanted to use it to write down little things that I notice and kind things people do.  Then we just talked and talked and talked. It was helpful to have someone to process things with. 

Candace was also super helpful to talk through experiences their family has had and things I need to be aware of. That was so kind of her to take the time to talk through everything. 

I am so grateful for each member of my family. Each has been a listening ear and a comfort and a strength.  There is belleza and gozo in family! May you find the same in your family today.