Treatment #8

I'm not sure where the summer has gone! But for me it has certainly flown! I feel that summer was such a blessing and I'm super grateful that it was the summer during my main treatments. The cold sensitivity is real and I think winter may have been miserable. But alas! It has been warm weather. I've been able to keep my house warm, and now I'm nearly finished with my chemo treatment cycle.

Treatment #8

Lori was so sweet and came with me for #8. We laugh and smile when we are there. I'm grateful that we can laugh. She helps make the time go quickly. We also played games that Steven introduced me to. Unfortunately, I get a little chemo brain, so she crushes me on most of the games. Haha! 

I was planning on another slow drip, but I didn't pay much attention to the flow rate. When my nurse plugged it in, he put i the calculation as though it were a large bag of meds instead of the smaller bag that I get, so it ended up being a 2-hour drip instead of the 4. I didn't even realize it until about 15 minutes before it finished. 

When I finished up, I didn't feel too great, so I ended up going down to Lori's with her and spending the night. I did make it okay through the night and Thursday was also a pretty good day. I was able to work and got some things finished up.

Mom and Dad came up on Thursday evening and we went to watch Mckenzie's soccer game. It was fun to be there. I did get pretty tired by the end, but it was okay. On Friday they took me to get my pump removed. Then I rested for a little bit while Mom and Dad ran some errands. They have been so good to be here with me! I truly am so grateful! Then we went down to Lori's for Daniel's birthday party with his friends. It looked like they had a great time!

That evening I went ahead and came back to my house and rested pretty well. I was able to work at the temple. My side effects were ok and I was able to go. It is always so sweet to be there! I ended up working at a couple of standing posts, but I was able to sit down between patrons. Then I had a sitting post and I got really sleepy. Oh boy! Haha but I made it and rested the rest of the day.

Side Effects

Overall, my side effects have been fairly normal. I noticed this time that my feet peeled a little bit, but they weren't too bad. My hands had a few peeling spots, but overall made it. They were extra sensitive to cold, so I wore my gloves a little more - especially for my morning walks. I've also been a little more tired, so I've rested a little bit more. I have made it. Yesterday and today my hands have been pretty red and a little puffy, but it has been tolerable.

Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad officially finished their mission during this treatment cycle. I'm sad to see them leave to go back to Colorado. It has been such a blessing to have them relatively close by. I know it took faith for them to say yes to staying for another 6 months, but what a blessing and tender mercy it has been for me! I really have appreciated having them. I feel like our family is blessed when they are serving. I hope they can feel that their offering and their sacrifices are acceptable to the Lord. They have given much and have made Cove Fort a better place because they were there. 

Reflections

As I am nearing this phase of my treatment cycle, it has been a tender time for me. I have felt so blessed and so strengthened since the day I received my diagnosis. I have felt the love and strength from the Lord, from my family and friends, and I have had amazing doctors and nurses. They have been so supportive and so kind and helpful. I know this probably sounds a little strange, but it is almost bittersweet to come to the end. I want to make sure I have changed through the process of my cancer. I want to make sure I have become someone different as a result. I want to be a better person moving forward and a better disciple of Jesus Christ. I want to be more like Him because of this experience. It truly has become a sacred space and a sacred journey for me. 

Amy Wright, who is a counselor in the General Primary Presidency, described very eloquently how I feel in her talk Christ Heals That Which is Broken. 

Waiting upon the Lord can be a sacred place—a place of polishing and refining where we can come to know the Savior in a deeply personal way. Waiting upon the Lord may also be a place where we find ourselves asking, “O God, where art thou?”—a place where spiritual perseverance requires us to exercise faith in Christ by intentionally choosing Him again and again and again. I know this place, and I understand this type of waiting.

She then went on to describe a little bit of her own cancer journey. This talk has given me a lot of comfort in the last 6 months when she gave the talk. 

Would I have chosen this as my own trial? Probably not. Would I trade the experience I have had - No! Not for anything! It has brought me closer to the Lord. It is helping me to slow down and to remember Him more. I am learning to trust Him. It is helping me come to know Him. It is my very own Rocky Ridge. My own Martin's Cove. My own Liberty Jail. 

This last three weeks we have been studying Isaiah in Come Follow Me. I'm coming to find beautiful things in Isaiah that I love. There are some verses that are so powerful. One of my all-time favorites is Isaiah 41:10: "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." and 41: 13 "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."

He continues to bring joy and beauty. I feel it regularly and I pray that you may also find joy and beauty and love along your journey as well!

Treatments #6 and #7

The summer is passing so quickly! Each treatment comes and goes and then it's done and time for the next one.

Treatment #6

For Treatment #6, the treatment part went just fine. It was pretty status quo. On Saturday Amy and Analeah came. Analeah was coming for Education Week at BYU, so they visited a little. Amy flew back to Oregon on Sunday morning and then flew back on Thursday night so they could drive back. Even though it was a short trip, it was really fun to have them here! We stopped by Lori's on Friday morning and visited with her before they left. It was so fun to be together! We need each other!

Meeting with the Surgeon

I went back to do a check in with my surgeon right before #7. He likes to check in to make sure the chemo is making a difference. He asked about my side effects and if my bowel habits have improved. And they have, so that is what we wanted to hear. He talked like there will be a month between chemo and radiation which should be a good time for my body to get stronger. Then after radiation, I'll have about 2 months for the healthy tissues to heal up before we go into surgery. So there is still quite a bit of a road ahead, but I'm actually grateful that we are able to take it slowly. I had to laugh. In the lobby of the surgeon's office, they had Bob Ross playing. The reason I laugh is that for all of my treatments, Clint has been sending me a "happy little shirt" that has "happy little trees" on them, as a reference to Bob Ross. So that made me smile when I went in for my appointment and he was playing. 

Treatment #7

Treatment #7 was actually more eventful than others. My brother Steven came to be with me for it. He flew in on Tuesday afternoon. We went to eat at a Venezuelan restaurant in Salt Lake - if anyone needs some good Venezuelan food, I'd highly recommend Arempas. Steven said it was legit and the food was awesome! We were both so full when we finished. 

That afternoon we went down to Lori's and hung out with her and her family. We did some good catching up and that was a lot of fun to share pictures and adventures everyone has been on.

Wednesday was my treatment and Steven was a trooper. I wasn't able to get my "normal" seat where I like to sit on the end, so we were a little bit in the middle. Poor Steven ended up being right in front of one of the nurse's stations where they have all their supplies and the other side was in front of one of the other patient's IV pole. But he was a trooper. We visited. He even introduced me to a 2-player game on the phone. we played a couple of word games and Battleship. Unfortunately my chemo brain kicked in and I wasn't very fast at any of the games. Haha. But it was nice to have him there.

That night I wasn't feeling awesome and Steven thought I looked about the same color as my walls, so we laid pretty low. He made us a really delicious dinner of pork tenderloin, Irish smashed potatoes, wilted lettuce salad. It was fabulous.  

Cove Fort

On Thursday I was feeling pretty good, so we drove down to Cove Fort to see Mom and Dad. It was fun to visit. Steven has lots of great wisdom. I enjoyed the time to visit and to catch up. It was fun to be with Mom and Dad. We visited and they took Steven around the Fort. I hung out inside a little more and walked around a little, but was pretty restful. We even played "Guess how fast that car is going" on the freeway. Steven has a lot of practice with it. Haha!

Friday and Saturday

Friday was good too. We were able to run a couple of errands in the morning. Then I was able to get my pump removed and that always feels good, every time. I did a lot of resting on Friday afternoon. In the evening, Mom and Dad came up for their P-Day and Clint was here for work meetings, so we got together with Lori and ate dinner in Lehi. Taqueria 27 is also a great place if you want fun tacos. My favorites are the pear and beet tacos. They've got some great balsamic vinegar drizzled over them and oh they are so good.

On Saturday I rested and didn't go work at the temple. I was able to be here with Steven. Then I took him back to the airport so he could go home. I'm afraid it wasn't a very entertaining trip for Steven, but he was a great support and it meant a lot to have him here. It is really fun for me to have adult relationships with my siblings. I am continually amazed at their strength and their characters. They are all fun to be with and faithful and strong. They make me want to be a better person. 

Proverbs

During these treatments we were studying the Psalms and Proverbs in the Old Testament. I have always loved Proverbs 3:5-6 and I think I love it even more now. Trusting in the Lord is something that is a lifetime of learning to do. I know when I do trust in Him, He makes ALL the difference. He DOES direct my path. He makes everything right,  no matter what I'm going through. I love Him. I've been grateful to learn each week from the scriptures and have loved seeing so many tender mercies and little miracles each and every day. He is very involved in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Gratitude

I feel so grateful for so many family members, friends, coworkers, and people I don'e even know very well praying for me. I feel so strengthened and blessed by their prayers. I know they make a difference. It makes the burden of what could be really stressful seem manageable. It helps me improve my own prayers and I pray for others. I know Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers, not always in the way that we think we want him to answer, but in ways that He can bless us eternally. I am grateful to know that He is just a prayer away. And for all that are praying for me, I have made a more concerted effort to pray for you as well. May the Lord bless and keep you and may you find gozo y belleza in little moments in your days.